


Accept Me

by Broodingbrat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Complete, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sweet/Hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:16:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broodingbrat/pseuds/Broodingbrat
Summary: Romance..and everything that comes with it.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 12
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

Naruto swung the antennae in the air; fast, frantic, using the same urgency as a man who was waving a flag of surrender. At this height he should’ve heard something – static, a faint voice – anything. 

“Shit.”

He perched on the tree branch and fiddled with the dials. He didn’t know much about this stuff, but he’d been smart enough to ask the true brainiac’s to help him examine the ever-faulty radio. Lately missions and training had kept him too busy to sneak off for a call. On top of that, Kakashi had an eerie and almost psychic skill of deduction that Naruto didn’t want focused on his life. 

He twisted the dial again, but there was still no sound. Maybe he’d dislodged something on his way here?

When Naruto was free he came to this spot hidden in the forest— it was the highest point in the village that still offered enough cover. But even when the radio worked, Gaara was often unavailable. His time was spent preparing for his ascension to Kazekage – apparently it was more paperwork than actual glory, and so, it was more studying than Naruto had ever imagined.

“This piece of crap.” He smacked the radio base like a good hit would somehow solve the problem- it had worked for everything else in his life. “Come on you piece of junk.” Gaara hardly took time off. It would take at least 5 years before he was even officially recognized as someone in the running for the Kazekage title, but still, he was determined. Naruto respected that of course, his own aim was to become the Hokage, but he just felt like there was time for all that and just not too much time for… this.

“C-c-ccc”

Naruto bolted upright as the receiver crackled. Whatever was being said was getting lost in static. He jumped up and shot his arm in the air, holding the antennae steady until the voices emerged. 

“… and if you could add some fishcakes, that’d be great.”

“One ramen with fishcakes, coming right up,” came a raspier voice. It sounded like… Ichiraku? He hadn’t realised that the stall even had a radio. It was probably tucked away in a corner somewhere gathering dust. Most people had no use for them– everyone you knew was in the same village.

“Just eat a healthy meal at home for once.” This voice was irritated and higher pitched; it sounded like Ino. “How do you expect to get in any decent training when you fuel your body with salt and carbs?”

“Well, cooking is such a drag.”

Naruto sunk into a crouch and wedged the antenna up between some branches. This sucked. Gaara’s most recent letter clearly said they should meet today at noon. But nothing was going right, for whatever reason the radio wasn’t picking up a signal from the sand village.

He really just wanted to hear Gaara’s voice. And if the sand ninja had some spare time on his hands, maybe things could even get a bit more exciting; he’d suggested radio sex a few times in his letters to Gaara, but nothing much had come of it.

“No,” Shikamaru dragged out the word, like this wasn’t the first time he’d answered whatever question he was being asked. “I haven’t seen him. He came around earlier so I could examine some radio of his, and then he ran off all smiles and laughter. I didn’t even get to ask him for the 600 yen he owes me for our last round of ramen.”

Naruto cringed. 

“Fine, fine. I was just making sure,” came Sakura’s voice. Had she been there the entire time? “The second we’re off duty he always vanishes. It piqued my curiosity. I didn’t realise he had any friends other than Sasuke and I.”

“Well what am I supposed to be? And what about Ino?”

“Oh come on Shikamaru, be realistic. Ino doesn’t have friends—she has minions.” Naruto could tell she had a massive grin.

“For your information, my ‘minions’ are more reliable than anyone else in this entire village. I mean I could tell you where Sasuke goes before a mission! I’m tapped into the pre-teen, teenage and young adult information network of Konoha village. I could even find out where the knuckle head disappears too if I really want --”

Why the pause? Was she looking at something? Was someone else there? Not good; he had to be more careful the next time he snuck away. 

“The information network strikes again!” Ino yelled. “Guess what little Moegi just told me, billboard brow? I heard a rumour that Gaara of the sand village has no interest in kunoichi.” 

Naruto’s head snapped up. He waited, still and tense, for someone to speak.

“Oh please. You go too far Ino,” Sakura muttered. “Are you actually trying to say that Gaara likes m--?”

“Enough.” Shikamaru’s words cut through the conversation. “That’s the next Kazekage that you’re bad mouthing right now. Are you really trying to strain relations between the leaf and the sand? Because that’s what will happen if anyone finds out you’re spreading this nonsense.”

Silence again. This time it stretched on for a while. Naruto slowly inhaled, it was a shallow shaky breath.

“…Imagine if it were true though?” Sakura was whispering, the radio barely picked it up between bursts of static. “It can’t be, right? I mean it’s… I heard they get rid of people like that?”

“Moegi wouldn’t lie.” Ino insisted. “She heard what she heard. And I for one think it’s disgusting. It’s completely unnatural! How can a guy like a guy? God, his parents must have seriously messed--”

Naruto twisted the dial. His hands shook on the knob, and the gentle rattle of plastic against plastic seemed to echo around him. He’d heard those words in passing from other gossipers in the village. They all thought with the same recycled phrases: ‘His parents damaged him’. ‘It’s unnatural’. ‘It’s truly disgusting’. 

But he didn’t care. He didn’t. He felt bad for Gaara, but at the end of the day he wasn’t like that, so it didn’t apply to him. 

Naruto spun the knob again, this time more hesitant. He was still hoping to reach Gaara, but each twist brought him back to snatches of Ino, Shikamaru, and Sakura’s conversation. 

“Give it a rest, Ino. With people like you around, do you really think anyone would choose to be that way?”

 _Twist_.

“I’m telling you, if I were Lady Tsunade I’d ban them all.”

 _Twist_.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not about to comment on defamation of character.”

Naruto jumped up, jostling the branch and the radio in the process. Static blared through the receiver and Naruto slowly began to reel in the antennae. He wasn’t getting anywhere. It’d be better to just shut the stupid thing off. 

“Naru-” The crackle of static. “Naruto, are you there?”

Naruto snatched up the receiver. “Gaara! I’m here. I’ve been here for a while actually.” He found himself grinning. “This radio has some serious problems, I’ve been trying to catch your frequency for half an –”

“I’m here.”

“Yeah, me too. Can’t you hear me?”

“No, Naruto, I am here. At the hidden leaf village. I can see the gates as we speak.”  
Naruto’s mouth dried.

“I shall be seeing you soon.”

*** ***

Naruto stuffed the radio under his bed, along with his kunai’s, shirts, shoes and hair care products. His closet was currently occupied by one of the worst odours he’d smelt in all of his nineteen years. 

If the scent seeped out, Gaara definitely wouldn’t be sticking around. When Naruto had first visited his home, he’d thought that Kankuro had led him into a trap; Gaara’s room only had a stack of books and four dark concrete walls. There was a futon neatly folded in a corner, where they sat for most of the day, but when Naruto was hungry, Gaara had insisted that they eat in the hallway because the ‘smell would linger’. 

For good measure, Naruto rolled up an old shirt and pushed it into the gap between the closet door and the floor. The longer he cleaned the harder his hands trembled. Had it really been 6 weeks since he’d spoken face to face with Gaara? Every letter they’d exchanged was currently tucked under his pillow. 

He took a deep breath, trying to gain control of the building sensation that was sweeping his entire body; six weeks was longer than most missions. Naruto couldn’t decide if he was excited or nervous. Maybe excited. Maybe nervous. Maybe both, plus somewhat turned on.

He jumped into the shower and washed his hair, paying special attention to dislodge the leaves and clumps of sand that seemed to cling to him after every outing. When he heard a knock at the door he snatched up an okay shirt and a pair of clean boxers.

He grinned as he pulled the door open. “Hey.”

“What?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” Naruto mimicked, fumbling for other words in the English language.

“…Okay. You look disappointed.” 

“Well, ‘course.” Naruto could feel his ears heat up. “If the beautiful Sakura had been the one to greet me, we would have had a completely different situation.” When he was met with silence, Naruto pushed harder; a quiet Uchiha was one who was observing everything. “You understand, right? I mean how do you feel when you see your face in the morning?”

Sasuke’s lips turned up into a snarl. “Idiot.”

Sakura poked her head out from behind Sasuke. “Okay, okay. Enough with the warm welcome Naruto. Are you going to let us in or what?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Um… I don’t think so.” Had they made plans that he’d forgotten about? And didn’t she see the boxers? “What’s going on?” He made sure to keep his expression neutral. If this was about the rumour, he had to act like he’d never heard it.

“Lady Tsunade has assigned us with a… sensitive mission. We figured we’d personally run you through it, since it’s honestly a bit out there.” She glanced at Sasuke, whose scowl was so deep that Naruto believed he could see frown lines forming. “You and I will have, uh… support roles. I wanted to tell you now so that you don’t make a scene at the Hokage’s office.”

Support? “Okay, well…” He took a step into his room, pausing when his bed came into view. If Sasuke swung his arm just a little too far, or Sakura flopped onto his duvet, all those letters would be revealed.

Over the years, he’d never regretted his choice to downsize to a tiny one bedroom apartment, it had felt less lonely, but right now he hated that he didn’t have more space.

“Sometime today,” Sakura said, pushing her way through. 

He spun to grab her shoulder but Sasuke brushed past him. Skin to skin.

Naruto doubled over, reacting so violently that his legs nearly gave out. He was embarrassed by the desperate sound that escaped his lips. It was a combination between a strangled moan and a staggered breath. He didn’t feel quite right. 

He bit his lip. 

The breeze made him tremble and his heart pounded too fast for comfort, every inch of his skin tingled and prickled like a heat was spreading beneath, and even though he was crouched in the middle of his freaking doorway all he could think about was _grabbing_ Gaara and – 

“What’s wrong with you? I barely touched you.” 

“Nothing. I’m sure it’s nothing.” His voice. It was a few octaves deeper than normal; he used the same tone with Gaara when he was trying to get him in the mood. Naruto stood on shaky legs. “You need to go.”

“Your eyes are...” Sakura said.

He backed away and closed the door. The last word he heard was ‘nine-tails’.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto had taken two cold showers and checked the mirror a total of six times. Whatever was going on with his eyes, disappeared one moment and then resurfaced the next. The only constant was his state of arousal.

When a knock sounded on the door he was almost tempted to ignore it. Almost.

Gaara was crouched on his balcony staring at some weeds that had sprouted between the concrete cracks. His hair had grown since their last meeting, and his tattoo was now hidden under a ruffle of dark red strands. The ends were sharp and uneven, like they’d been trimmed with a razor blade, yet his hair still seemed soft to the touch.

“The variety of plants that grow in your village is truly like nothing I have seen before.” He stood up. His light green eyes were neatly rimmed with a line of black kohl. “…Naruto, your eyes are –”

He stumbled forward and kissed Gaara. His lips were soft. Naruto loved the smell of coal and sand that wafted off the ninja. He dropped small kisses down his jaw line and moaned into his neck. He’d already reached a ten on his personal arousal scale.

Ten was when he couldn’t stop himself. Ten was when he couldn’t turn back. 

Naruto pressed against Gaara, using the balcony railing to grind his body against the contours of the sand ninja’s stomach. “Gaara.” He rasped, his words splintering into a long moan. Hips to hips, lips to lips, he could feel himself becoming frantic. With each thrust, Gaara’s belt buckle dug into Naruto and triggered a strained groan. He ran his hands through Gaara’s hair and nibbled on his lower lip, tugging and sucking and _tasting_ until Gaara’s breath hitched for the first time. 

Naruto fumbled with the red coat, slipping through openings until the only piece of clothing between his hand and Gaara’s groin was a warm cotton fabric…

“Naruto!” 

Sand snaked around his wrists, yanking his arms away. His breathing was harsh and unsteady, but Gaara was as composed as ever. 

“Calm yourself,” he gently nudged Naruto back, “this is not the time and certainly not the place. Any number of people could have seen you.”

Naruto blinked slowly and swallowed hard. “Let go of me,” he croaked, pulling against the bonds. 

The sand crumpled and Gaara gingerly brushed at his lower lip, before giving up completely and sucking it into his mouth. 

Naruto focused on a far corner of the room. “…Why are you even here then?” He could hear the annoyance in his voice. What was he saying? Where was this coming from? He was careful to stand at an angle, away from Gaara’s line of sight. 

“I find that to be an odd question.” 

Gaara’s gaze swept down from Naruto’s damp hair to his bare feet. 

He entered his room and made an effort not to squirm under the sand ninja’s scrutiny.

“I can see you are frustrated Naruto. But I also know that a more rational, future version of yourself would have regretted continuing what you started. Or am I wrong? Would you have preferred to receive stimulation in full view of your villagers?”

Naruto’s ears warmed. He knew that too. But he couldn’t shake the arousal and persistent irritation that was simmering beneath the surface.

“… I have offended you.” Gaara squinted, as if he could read the situation if he could only see a bit better. “Please know that was not my intention.”

Naruto shrugged and silently made his way towards the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and took a few slurps straight from the tap. He had to calm the hell down; this wasn’t like him at all. When he blinked and looked into the mirror, his eyes were its normal blue.

By the time he returned, Gaara was seated cross legged on the floor with a shoji board in front of him. “Would you join me for a quick game?”

“Uh…” Naruto rubbed the back of his head, searching for an excuse. He really wasn’t a fan. They’d played shoji countless times and he still had no clue what he was doing. But he felt like he owed Gaara an apology, and this seemed to make him happy. “Okay.”

They played in silence for a while, and then Gaara spoke about his studies on the history of ninja and his interest in the evolution of ninjutsu. He complimented Naruto’s moves every so often, calling them ‘unpredictable’ and ‘exciting’. He seemed to really be enjoying himself, and when a smile lit up his face, Naruto found himself grinning too.

Gaara picked up a shoji piece. “In my studies, Jinchuriki have always been exceptions to the rules. When I still possessed my tailed beast, there came a time when I experienced emotions stronger than my own: arousal and anger, for instance.” 

Naruto looked up, but Gaara still seemed to be deciding on his next move.

“I had never met another Jinchuriki, and the sensations I was experiencing were much too personal for me to share with those in my village.” He pushed his piece across the board. “So I alone dealt with the sensations as best I could and in time they diminished. But as long as I possessed a tailed beast, they did not disappear. I dubbed it the ‘jinchuriki state’.”

Gaara watched him, expectant.

“…You think my jinchuriki state has awakened.” It did explain a lot, but it didn’t really excuse anything. “Listen, I’m really sorry for the way I acted earlier.”

“Already forgiven.” He pointed to the board, nudging Naruto to make his move. “You are a person who values friends and respects even strangers. Your heart and empathy knows no bounds. The person who was resentful because I would not bend him over his balcony, is not you.”

“ _God_ ,” Naruto hissed, dropping his shoji piece. It skidded under the table. 

Gaara simply smiled.

He sure had a way with words.

Naruto grinned, shook his head, and leant forward in search of the missing piece. His hands fumbled across the floor, moving blind, when he felt the pressure of warm lips against his forehead. 

Naruto reeled back. “Oh. Uh, what was that about? I mean are you turned on or something?”

“No. It felt appropriate.”

Naruto snatched up the missing piece and randomly placed it on the board. “Ah okay, that’s…. I mean come on, that’s a bit…”

“Gay?” Gaara supplied.

Naruto made a point of re-positioning his shoji piece. “I wasn’t gonna say that. It’s kind of strange though, ‘cause we’re just, I mean we’re…you know, so it’s a bit weird.”

Gaara’s motions slowed. “We have spent three months in each other’s company. Our situation is sexual.”

“Yeah,” Naruto murmured, “but we’re just hanging out. You know, messing around a bit. It’s just fun—like a stress relief kind of thing. It doesn’t make me like… that.”

“Naruto,” Gaara seemed to be searching for his next words, “…how long will you be like this?” 

Naruto didn’t have a reply, so he pretended not to hear.

Gaara waited, and when no answer came he stood up. “I have other business to attend to. Since I’m here on official shinobi business, your Hokage has asked for my presence. I’m sure you will be informed of all the details later, but for now I must go.” 

“Okay.”

Gaara left the apartment, and the home Naruto had occupied for the last few years suddenly felt much too big, and much too cold.

*** ***

The office was organised; documents were stacked and labelled according to colour. The floor was swept and the portraits were dusted. Tsunade’s desk was polished to the point that Naruto could smell the fresh pinecone and taste the slight acidic sting of a chemical spray. Gaara’s arrival must have triggered a cleaning frenzy. The cotton swivel chair, which had occupied the office forever, was now replaced with a black leather seat that couldn’t possibly be more than a day old. It seemed like even a simple mission briefing had room for political posturing. Naruto didn’t understand. Gaara was just Gaara.

“Sakura. Enough.” Grandma Tsunade said. “After hearing your case this morning, I have given this situation a lot of thought, and Gaara is still the perfect shinobi to accompany Sasuke. Among others reasons, the Byuki village is located in the Land of Wind.” Tsunade massaged her temple and took a swig from her glass. “I realise that our cover story isn’t ideal for all involved, but this is a mission where a couple is necessary. The Byuki village exists solely to shelter and conceal people who are… different. They endured scrutiny, discrimination and hardships for years before their village was founded. They will only accept those who are like them.”

“It will not take long,” Gaara added. He’d been silent for the entire explanation. Naruto wondered if this was for his own benefit. “In front of Byuki’s general populace, Sasuke and I will be a couple. When we are in private, obviously that will not be the case. As soon as we discover why the sand ninja of the village are disappearing, we will solve the problem and return.”

“Thank you Gaara.” Grandma Tsunade pushed her empty glass away. “Just to be clear, this is a mission of complete secrecy. Direct from the Hokage of the Hidden Leaf to the members of team 7. I trust you know what that means.”

Everyone turned towards Naruto.

“Huh? What?” Naruto asked.

“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Sakura said. “What Lady Tsunade is saying, is that you should keep things that way. We don’t need you blabbing all over town like it’s some sort of limited edition ramen flavour. The Byuki village has only survived this long because their sand shinobi hide them from view.”

Naruto thought it was pretty smart to hide a village in the eye of a sandstorm. The perfect offensive defence. “Come on,” he groaned, “I can keep a secret Sakura.”

“Since _when_?” Her hands were on her hips like she was speaking to a particularly difficult child. 

“Well… you’re in love with Sasuke aren’t you? I kept that a secret for years!” 

“It was hardly a secret,” Sasuke chimed in. He’d been pressed against the far corner of the Hokage’s office like some kind of wall ornament. Naruto had forgotten he was even in the room.

Sakura stiffened. Naruto did the same. This was his cue to back out of the conversation before she turned violent, although violence seemed to be everyone’s chosen method of communicating with him. Gaara had been the same. The guy he knew now was such a huge contrast from the tortured shinobi who had punched him on their first meeting.

So much time had passed since then. Gaara still sucked at cracking jokes, and he altogether struggled to understand them. He chose not to speak unless he had ‘something of value to add’, and was too comfortable in silence. One time they sat for hours in his room without a single word. After the second hour, Naruto had felt pressured to keep their streak going- it lasted for three uninterrupted hours. 

Still, Gaara was a constant. He was someone who had shown understanding to Naruto at a time when he’d been starved of basic human kindness. He kept Naruto on track and reminded him of his values. When Gaara was around, Naruto felt strong and capable, like there was a hand on his shoulder nudging him forward.

He wasn’t prepared to let that go. But back at the apartment it felt like he’d failed…something. Was Gaara preparing to say goodbye? The thought split open a pit of unease in his stomach, and Naruto recognised the chill that settled in his bones. At this point in his life, it was all too familiar.

“Naruto. What are your thoughts on the matter?” Gaara’s red coat was neatly pressed. There wasn’t a single crease to hint at the time he’d spent in Naruto’s bedroom. It was like he’d never visited.

“I’ll go.” There were tons of leaf shinobi who’d been on missions to the Land of Wind. They probably more or less knew their way around, so why was Gaara such a perfect match? Come to think of it, why was _Sasuke_?

“Weren’t you listening?” Sakura said. “They don’t need three people.”

“Then I’ll go instead of Sasuke.” He could feel every eye in the room.

“Why?” Sasuke asked.

“It’s obvious.” Sakura sighed and Naruto’s mind dredged up Ino’s rumours. “I knew you’d get jealous if you had to stand on the side lines while Sasuke goes off and gets stronger, which is why I wanted to talk to you earlier. It’s not like we’d be useless Naruto- we’ll stay home as backup.” She waited for a reply but Naruto couldn’t quite keep up with the pace of their conversation. “Is that why you’ve been so quiet? Don’t tell me you’re pouting right now. Or is it,” she lowered her voice and leant closer “about earlier with the nine-tails? I mean what even was that? It was so freaky.”

“What? No, no.” He brushed away Sakura’s questions. Of course he didn’t want to sit on the side lines, but what bothered him the most was Gaara. 

Tsunade unearthed more whiskey from her draw and drank it straight from the bottle. Naruto realised that her cup must have mostly been for appearance sake too. “Gaara recommended Sasuke as his first choice. He decided who will accompany him.”

“No way!” When it came down to battle abilities Naruto knew he was just as strong, if not stronger, than Sasuke Uchiha. The mission specifically required a relationship, but Gaara and Sasuke had never even had a _conversation_. Why the hell had he been pushed aside when he was perfect partner material? “I’m a team player. I can play the part better than anyone.”

Sakura put a hand on his shoulder. “Please Naruto, this is serious. You’d probably just spill the beans the second someone got you riled up. Just let Sasuke do it. At least he can keep his cool when it’s needed.” What? She hadn’t even wanted Sasuke involved in this mission. Or maybe she hadn’t wanted him involved without _her_.

Naruto shrugged off her hand. “I can be his partner.” He spun towards Gaara. “Tell them!” 

Gaara looked confused, as if he wasn’t sure what exactly he was supposed to be telling them. “Naruto… is correct,” he replied, slowly. 

“Alright, alright. Fine.” Grandma Tsunade said, already waving them away. “I guess it’s settled. You have some time to pack and prepare so meet at the gates in an hour. Dismissed.”


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto lingered, allowing everyone to trail out of the Hokage’s office. He swept aside the questioning stares and comments with mumbled answers until Gaara fell in step beside him.

“Hey, can we talk?”

Gaara nodded and led him out of the office and down the winding hall to an unfamiliar remote section. Naruto wondered if his studies had contained a rough blueprint on the building’s architecture. It wouldn’t be such a surprise, considering tensions between their lands had soared at one point. Intel was everything in a potential war.

He rubbed the back of his head, searching for an ice breaker. “Interesting stuff back there, huh? I never thought I’d be visiting a place like Byuki village.”

“Yes, your involvement came as a surprise.” Gaara’s expression didn’t seem the least bit surprised. “You were very insistent on partnering with me on this mission. Your reasoning interests me.”

Gaara wore the same expectant expression he used while playing shoji. 

“…I guess I just felt like you could do with my help.” Naruto shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, uh, why Sasuke anyway? I’m pretty sure I would have been a better option.”

There. Again. 

Something in Gaara’s expression shifted, maybe it was the curve of his lips or the line of his brow, but Naruto got the feeling that he had failed. 

“Why?” 

He shook the feeling off. Usually Gaara’s emotions were a mystery, and maybe that’s what contributed to Naruto’s recent state of unease – like Gaara would vanish at any moment. “What do you mean? I just think I’m a good choice.”

Gaara nodded, slowly. “Perhaps. But why?” 

His tone made Naruto feel like an idiot.

Gaara sunk into silence. He seemed to focus on a red banner with the leaf’s insignia. He must have seen it countless times before, just like he’d seen the Hokage’s office, and Ichiraku’s shop, and Naruto’s apartment. There shouldn’t have been anything new or fascinating about the Leaf village, but Gaara had a way of appreciating the parts that Naruto had overlooked. 

“The history of the Leaf, not unlike my own, is steeped in darkness and secrets. The secrets led to darkness, and the darkness began to grow.” Gaara looked like he was far away. “I would like to say that I have learnt to do away with secrets, and I try, but in practice it is more difficult than it seems. In this mission I believe Sasuke, at least, has nothing to hide.”

“Neither do I.” He’d replied automatically. No matter how much time passed, being compared to Sasuke would always raise his defences. “Okay, so you’re upset because I joined your mission, or, I don’t know, I said the wrong thing in the office?” He was grasping at straws. “All I know is that I won’t get it unless you explain it. You’re more confusing than anyone else. Do you realise how much I have to focus when you speak? It feels like I’m studying. _Studying_. So just let me have it! We’re going on a mission together so there’s no point in keeping it in.”

The stiffness in the sand ninja’s shoulders began to melt away. Gaara regarded Naruto with the beginnings of a smile. He leant against the wall and loosely clasped his hands together. “I’m curious. Have any rumours about me circulated in your village?” 

Naruto made a sound of disbelief at the rapid change in topic, but he could recognise a peace offering when he saw one. Gaara had veered away from whatever negativity he’d been leading towards. “Yeah, a bit actually. But it’s nothing to worry about. I mean no one really believes it.”

Gaara nodded. “I wouldn’t mind. I recently informed members of my village about my preference in partners, and considering the nature of our mission, it became necessary to also inform your Hokage.” He paused, as if he was expecting an interruption. “I felt I should warn you before the rumours spread too far…you may choose to take extra precautions when speaking with me in public.”

Was that one of the reasons he’d been so quick to pull Naruto away on the balcony? “Yeah, okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” If those rumours had spread as far as Ino’s reach allowed, then just being seen alone with Gaara could stir up the kind of rumours Naruto didn’t want to hear.

Gaara was different. If he was brave enough to share that with his villagers, then he was sure about his interest in other guys.

Naruto had noticed when Gaara found reasons for their hands to touch. He saw that Gaara’s smile came easier these days, and he felt when the shinobi’s lips lingered a beat too long as they kissed. It had always been possible that Gaara didn’t think of their situation as ‘fun’. But it was only a thought, uncomfortable in its unfamiliarity. It was safer to believe that all Gaara felt was a deep-rooted appreciation.

“Damn it,” Naruto rubbed his forehead. _Would_ people think he was like Gaara? It was really hitting him just how crazy his balcony stunt had been. “Do you think anyone saw us?” 

“No.” 

Naruto slid down the wall and ran his hands through his hair. “Okay. Alright. That’s… that’s good. So good.” He tapped on the floor tiles, giving himself a brief distraction before the silence pressured him to speak. “How did it go when you told everyone?”

“I am the first shinobi to be publicly ‘accepted’ – most likely because of my position as the 4th Kazekage’s son.” He moved to stand beside Naruto. The location and angle completely hid his face from view. “But there have been… incidents. A few shinobi believed that I should be banished, like the members of Byuki village. They offered to ‘show me the way’.” 

“They attacked you.” Naruto scowled. “Who –?”

Gaara waved his words away, as if the gesture was unnecessary. “I assure you, they suffered much more from our interaction. If they reported to their own loved ones, and those people sought revenge, the cycle would never end. Involving more violence is not the way.”

Naruto strained his neck up. He could see the heavy set of Gaara’s brow, and the sand ninja was wrong – he was hurting just as much as his attackers. 

“There is clearly a long journey ahead before I’m accepted in earnest. Your Hokage could not even vocalize the word – much like you Naruto.”

“Huh?” Naruto was caught off guard; he felt like there was more surrounding Gaara’s reveal. The sand village was said to be stuck in their ways, especially with an elderly Kazekage. But if there was more to be said, it looked like Gaara didn’t want to discuss it. “I’m fine with who you are.”

“…I know you believe that.” Gaara’s voice shook, and Naruto knew in his gut that this was his third strike. 

He settled in the spot beside Naruto, legs crossed, back straight. When he spoke again, his words were steady. They rang from his chest with confidence and clarity, like he was addressing someone of actual importance. “I have feelings for you, Naruto. And it would honestly baffle me if you were to say you were unaware of them.”

“Gaara –”

“ _Please_.” His shoulder was pressed against Naruto’s, but he looked straight ahead at an empty spot on the wall. “You refuse to acknowledge my feelings because you don’t want to be pressured into facing your own. I respected that choice for as long as I was able. Despite our level of physical intimacy and the moments we have shared, I allowed you to live in denial and I helped you hide from who you are.” Gaara’s hands were clasped in his lap, his fingers interlocked so tightly that each knuckle bloomed red. “What we have cannot continue. It is… unfair and painful. But Naruto, make no mistake, it was every bit a _gay relationship_.” 

At some point Naruto had bit his tongue. All he could taste was blood. “Can you stop? Stop it.” His voice was failing him, the words were tapering off until he couldn’t be sure if the words out of his mouth were matching the static in his head. “I’m not... I just… it’s not like I don’t…” 

But a part of him could always tell. 

“You know what it’s like,” his lips had weaved the words before his mind could censor it, “to be like that, in a place like this.” Gaara finally faced him. “You know how everyone thinks.” Naruto had faced loneliness and abandonment; he’d _done_ it already. 

“I do understand.” Green eyes met blue, but he wasn’t in agreement. Naruto recognised that ring of defeat. “And I’ve come to view it as a hurdle, not a barricade. The Naruto I admire taught me that mentality. He was always one hundred percent himself. ” Gaara’s nails dug into his skin. “If you cannot accept your own feelings for me, then this is pointless.”


	4. Chapter 4

The Byuki village was larger than expected. Gaara and Naruto had been travelling inside its borders for the better part of a day and still hadn’t arrived at their destination. Between them, they could only afford a rundown carriage. Their seats amounted to a slab of wood on top of a larger, wider, slab of wood. The merchant had made it clear that privacy and protection from the elements wasn’t a right, but a seriously expensive privilege.

They were entering a busier section of the inner village, and Naruto began to see more women and men in pairs or groups, talking and smiling and laughing. The village wasn’t what he’d expected. People touched more freely, without any doubt or hesitation, but it was nothing like the picture that had been painted in his mind. 

The only real difference was the sheer freedom.

The carriage jostled. 

Gaara’s leg had been knocking into Naruto’s thigh for so long that he was beginning to feel a familiar urge. He was throbbing with such intensity that each swish of the carriage wrung a whimper from his throat. 

During their three day journey from the Leaf to the border of the Byuki village, Naruto realised that his urges had dampened compared to when they’d first appeared. His eyes didn’t change. A touch didn’t lead to a near-orgasm. But if Gaara was right, then this was his new normal and it would last for as long as he was a Jinchuriki. He glanced at the sand shinobi. From the moment they’d left the Leaf village, Gaara had only said the bare minimum. His hand was limp in Naruto’s grip, like he was hoping for a bump in the road to split them apart. 

Someone cursed up ahead and the carriage veered right. Gaara’s knee knocked against Naruto’s upper thigh, and the vibrations travelled wide, wringing a groan from Naruto’s clenched jaw.

He felt his ears warm as Gaara turned towards him.

Slowly, silently, Gaara moved his leg until he was tucked into the left side of the carriage. Their seats continued to shake, but now it was like Gaara’s legs were bound together by sand. 

Naruto slipped his hand out of Gaara’s grip. “This is ridiculous.” 

Gaara had distanced himself, but for the last three days they’d been physically closer than they’d been in weeks. No meaningful words had passed between them – Naruto had no words.  
I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t want this distance. Everything sounded so empty... maybe because it was too late?

Gaara raised an eyebrow.

“Not you,” Naruto muttered instead. The sandstorm surrounding the village was like a thinning fog. Outlines of sand dunes and cacti were now visible through the storm and it was clear that the remaining sand ninja were struggling to maintain the jutsu. “I just meant that this act is ridiculous. If the Byuki village is so desperate for help, then why are we undercover as a lovey-dovey couple right now?” Beggars can’t be choosers. They should accept help in any form instead of giving rules and ultimatums. 

Naruto needed space.

Gaara ignored him and watched the roads, buildings, and bushes. He seemed comfortable settling back into his silent streak. It was only as they spotted a group of curious villagers that he was suddenly prepared to speak to Naruto.

“The Byuki village did not request for help. I did.” 

“Huh?” Gaara’s voice was harsh from disuse; Naruto thought he’d heard wrong. “I don’t get it.”

“I organized this mission. I wanted to help the Byuki village, but I could not officially appear in a place such as this, not when my people had barely accepted my way of life. As a favour, I asked Lady Tsunade to accept the mission in my stead.” Gaara scanned their surroundings. As they entered a busy market, Naruto also noticed that more eyes were trained on their interaction. “In terms of confidentiality, this mission is on par with an ANBU operation. But if for some reason rumours begin to spread, my name will not appear. The Leaf is acting as my smoke screen with the understanding that when I become Kazekage, our villages will have a more… mutually beneficial relationship.”

“She’ll probably just ask for a few small favours,” he felt like he had to defend Lady Tsunade's bargaining, even though he couldn’t see the point in her negotiations. The Sand and the Leaf would always be allies as long as he had anything to say about it. “And she’ll definitely stick to her end. No one will ever know you were here.”

Gaara had spoken like entering the Byuki village was as shameful as being seen in a brothel. Despite all his earlier talk about overcoming the judgment, he wasn’t completely immune. 

Naruto inched his hand towards the sand ninja.

Gaara’s decision to hide his involvement came from a place of logic and not fear. Naruto wanted to borrow some of that bravery. He wanted to be comfortable with his actions and confident in his preferences, to feel, no matter his location, like he could breathe.

Naruto clasped Gaara’s hand.

He’d done it countless times before, always hinting at something more physical. But this time it felt like a solid admittance of the sexuality he’d denied, because he was doing it with no reason in mind. It just felt good.

“The villagers cannot see our hands from this angle.” Gaara was tense.

“I know. I just...isn’t this situation worse than before?” The moment Gaara had ended things a chill had settled in Naruto’s bones; it was stubborn, yet familiar, and it pushed Naruto to say words he knew he had no right speaking.

The carriage steered them into a busy market and people were milling around stalls and scooting past their carriage, with all the activity and emotional turmoil Naruto’s level of arousal had sunk to negative numbers. 

Gaara tried to pull his hand away, but with all the watchful eyes there was no real force behind the tug. “Perhaps for you.” Gaara replied. “The words I spoke at the Hokage’s office still remain true.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. I’m not trying to, like…I’m just, I don’t know, commenting…” 

He loosened his grip and the sand ninja drew his hand back, letting it rest awkwardly between them. It wasn’t often that Gaara didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“You probably should have said ‘no’ when I volunteered, huh?” He smiled; it felt wrong, like a jigsaw piece that had been forced into a crooked hole. But he thought that if he lightened the mood, Gaara would do him a favour and accept some of the blame for their combined hurt. It was heavy on his own.

“When you insisted on joining me, I was hoping that you’d adopt the label of ‘partner’ in both its definitions.” His tone was matter-of-fact, with a level of control that almost made Naruto doubt whether they were discussing the same topic. “But all of that is irrelevant now. We are both here.”

Naruto knew they weren’t talking about their location. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at his shoes. “Is ‘here’… good?”

Gaara didn’t seem to have an answer. Or maybe he did, and it wasn’t something he thought Naruto would want to know. 

“Got it.” He hadn’t realised just how difficult things had been for Gaara. He hadn’t really understood. “So I was that bad.”

They exited the market and the crowds thinned out until the ninja and their driver were the only people travelling along the small dusty road. “No, not exactly,” Gaara murmured, “but I am not in a place where I can calmly discuss…” he trailed off, and Naruto was too anxious to look up. “I believe nothing will come from this conversation, Naruto.” His voice was soft, but his tone was firm. “You are feeling lonely and guilty. That is all.”

“You don’t know what I feel,” he muttered. Naruto ran a hand over his neck and shut his eyes. All of a sudden the jerking jostle of the carriage was making his stomach turn. Maybe their conversation _was_ useless. “It looks like we’re almost at the hotel. I think I’ll run ahead and maybe pick out some rooms.” 

“A room has been booked for us to share.”

“No thanks.”

“It was arranged before you pushed to accompany me on this mission.”

“Fine, fine, okay.” Naruto jumped out and sprinted full force towards solitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the reviews and kudos. This is a short story that I plan to update often. Enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

Naruto sat hunched on the edge of the bed. 

It was all too much. For the last 72 hours he’d wanted space – to process, to find a solution, to just…stop. But now that he was alone, he realised it was suffocating. He was reminded of the reason he avoided large empty rooms; his mind seemed to overcompensate for the silence by jumping from memory to memory, each one splintering into a new flashback, it was like his mind was racing to fill the actual physical space around him. 

_What we have cannot continue_.

_Nothing will come from this conversation_.

He hadn’t shed a single tear, but each time he blinked his eyes dry, new moisture welled up in its place.

_They endured scrutiny, discrimination, and hardships_.

_…Banished, like the members of Byuki village_.

Naruto felt his chest constricting. He sunk low until his head was nestled between his knees, and took deep, slow breaths. He’d only felt this level of anxiety twice in his life: when Jiraiya had passed away, and when Sasuke had threatened to leave the village. 

There was a fog of unease that blinded him whenever he was losing someone. It promised loneliness, insecurity, anger, and so much – too much – misery. Naruto felt the tears on his cheeks before he realised he was crying. He pressed his face against his thighs but harsh sobs clawed out into the open. 

He cared for the sand ninja; the gnawing ache in his chest was an undeniable sign. It grew with each sob until he couldn’t tell if he was trembling from emotional pain or some undiscovered physical ache. _If you cannot even accept your own feelings for me, then this is pointless_. 

Naruto shut his eyes and fisted a handful of the quilt covers. 

Had he been so bad that Gaara needed to leave? Had he been that selfish?

He hadn’t wanted to be alone. 

The people of the Leaf were his only family, but childhood experiences made him question whether unconditional love was really possible for those who’d grown up in Konoha. Gaara was right. There was too much darkness – the hate, discrimination, and inequality – everyone he loved had grown in its shadow. It wasn’t crazy to think that their reaction to Naruto’s sexuality would mirror that environment.

How could he admit his feelings with that threat hanging over his head?

He sunk down onto the carpet. His sobs had calmed down but his head was pounding so hard that he missed the sound of a key turning in the lock. 

“Naruto?” 

Naruto sucked in a breath. “Gaara. Hey, uh, hey… that was fast. Weren’t you checking in?” He wiped his eyes dry but didn’t turn or move from his position.

“Yes, a while ago. It was a simple process.” He sounded like he was speaking from the far corner of the room. 

Naruto lowered his head in a nod and pulled his mind away from the negativity by focusing his attention on Gaara’s words. The sand ninja’s monotone was welcome; it had never sounded so calming. 

There was a familiar whiff of coal and sand. Had he moved closer? Naruto wanted Gaara to touch him— just a brush of his hair, or a hand on his hand. He wanted that physical contact that had comforted him so many times in the past. 

Naruto blinked away any remaining moisture and just… sat.

“Do you wish to return home, Naruto? If so, I will not fault you. My report will say only that I had no need for your assistance upon our arrival.” 

When had Gaara finished checking in? How long had he waited on the other side of the door? “You know I won’t give up on a mission.” Naruto was speaking to the floor. “But you have the right idea. Some space… yeah, space would be good I guess.” 

There was a beat of silence. “Of course.” The door shut quietly behind the sand ninja.

*** ***

Naruto pressed his head against the table; its sheen gave the impression of cleanliness, like the mirror behind the bar. If he hadn’t seen the bartender’s sneeze being wiped away with a stained rag and lemon wood polish, he wouldn’t be wondering what liquid had been ‘cleansed’ from the spot where his forehead rested.

Gaara would hate this place.

That thought was enough to keep his head firmly on the table. It was the one place where he could get away without actually being alone. Gaara had kept to his word and given him space, but it wasn’t much considering their current cover story.

In public they still had to behave as a couple, and after seven days of strolling around the markets, hand in hand, Naruto needed a break. It wasn’t like they were any closer to finding out what had happened to Byuki’s sand ninja anyway. _Everybody_ had seen something. He’d heard tales ranging from hidden mist ninja, to sightings of the long-dead Uchiha clan.

He spun his empty glass. 

It was beginning to feel like the mission would drag on for another week; more of Gaara holding his hand, and brushing his knee, and whispering information into his ear, and standing so _so_ close…

Naruto exhaled and adjusted his seating position. It was like his body no longer listened to him; he still reacted to Gaara’s touch as he always had – in a way that made them both uncomfortable. In a way that left Naruto frustrated.

The stool, and his current situation, made it difficult to find a comfortable position. When his fingers grazed over his groin a heat poured over his body and he could feel the throbbing intensity throughout his frame. His new ‘normal’ was still too intense.

Naruto pressed his fingers against his length, discreetly adjusting himself until his hips began to rock forward. He exhaled, head down, jaw clenched. Even through two layers of fabric, he felt like he would cum.

How long had it been exactly? Before the hotel. Before his treetop phone call. Before his last mission.

Naruto gripped the edge of the table.

There was a loud laugh and someone bumped into him. Naruto yanked his hand away from his groin with such force that that his stool tipped backwards. 

The guy caught him by the elbow. “Easy there,” he said, “I haven’t even introduced myself, it’s still a bit early to fall for me.”

Naruto shifted forward on his seat and the guy’s hand slipped away. “Seriously?” he muttered. His mouth was dry and his heart was racing.

A small grin. A light shrug. “Yeah. I mean everyone likes some good word play, right?”

“Sure, I guess.” 

The guy was pale with delicate facial features. His shirt sloped off his shoulder and his dark messy plait brushed against bare skin. He nodded slowly, eyeing up the empty glass when no more words were spoken. “You look kind of flushed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s flattering as hell, but that kind of heat won’t do you any good in the desert.” 

He leant against the table and Naruto angled away.

“I’ll buy you another drink. Something cold.” 

He smelt strongly of something mint-based. Mouthwash? Deodorant? “Huh? Why?” Naruto pressed against the stool. The seat was firm but soft. It was hardly any pressure, but it was enough to make him ache for privacy. 

“Come on, don’t sound so defensive. Look, let’s start again… I’m Kisame Abumi,” he cupped his chin in the palm of his hand, “right now I’m hitting on you – it’s something that usually happens when someone likes what they see.”

Naruto paused. That had cut through the fog. “I’m not –” 

Kisami was loud and talkative, whereas Gaara was private and discreet. 

But Kisami was buried in the Land of Wind. He was someone who had never, and could never, visit the Leaf village… Gaara knew everyone Naruto knew.

“Let me help you finish that sentence.” Kisami tilted his head in thought. His shirt sloped off his shoulder and strands of dark hair draped over his bare skin. 

Naruto felt a surge of arousal.

“You’re not… ready for this conversation to end?”

“Actually I need to get going.” 

“Okay, wait, wait,” Kisami raised his hands, “alright, so you’re distracted and this conversation clearly isn’t going too well. But we barely got anywhere. I don’t even know your name. You have to let me try again when there’s no competition.”

Naruto was having trouble focusing on their conversation. “What?” 

Kisami pointed downwards and held up his other hand up to hide the motion. “I wasn’t joking when I said I liked what I saw- and that was before this _hard_ revelation. So you can go do what you need to do, and I’ll just wait out here for you –”

Naruto looked around to see if anyone had overheard. 

Back home he’d felt like his secret was a balloon losing air, and each time Gaara visited him it sunk a little lower. But things were different in the Byuki village; Naruto was always startled when he looked to find that there was no balloon at all. 

Naruto re-focused on Kisami who wore an amused expression. “Just keep it in mind that I’m going to buy you a drink,” he raised his eyebrows. “You can’t leave me hanging if I have two drinks in front of me, can you? I’ll just look sad.”

Was flirting always like this? “…Sure.” He wouldn’t know. It hadn’t been Gaara’s thing. “Nice talk,” Naruto replied, quickly making his way towards the bathroom. He didn’t know how to react to all this, and he had more urgent business anyway.

*** ***

Naruto was sweaty, hot, and still very much aroused. It was like a current was running through his entire body; each touch tingled and every stroke left him panting. His hand was slick, gently tugging on his length, but despite all the attention… 

The bathroom door swung open.

“Hey, blonde mystery man, it’s been a while. So long, in fact, that the bartender gave me a drink on the house.” It sounded like Kisami was knocking on each stall. “My gut says you’ve either passed out or ditched me?”

He stopped in front of Naruto’s stall and rapped on the door.

Naruto gingerly pulled his pants over his erection. “Neither.”

“Okay.” Kisami answered without missing a beat. “Well, are you good? I remember you coming in here to ‘de-stress’, so why do you sound like you have bills to pay and everyone you know owes you money?” 

For the past thirty minutes thoughts of Gaara had entered Naruto’s mind, and instead of helping, the emotional baggage was wilting his erection. “I can’t… get there,” he rasped. 

Silence, and then, “well fuck. You don’t hear that every day.” There was a scuff of shoes on tiles, and then it sounded like Kisami was no longer leaning against his door. “I don’t usually do things in this order, but I guess it can’t hurt. Do you need a hand? Pun unintended, I remember how you hate those.”

Kisami was anonymous. He was practically a ghost. “Yeah,” Naruto replied.


	6. Chapter 6

“Belt,” Naruto breathed. 

Kisami was deepening their kisses, each one was firm and slow as if the passing of time was completely insignificant. When he ignored the suggestion, Naruto reached for his belt himself. 

“Someone’s eager,” Kisami unzipped his orange jacket revealing the netting beneath, “let’s just take our time.” He trailed his hand down Naruto’s chest, allowing a lone finger to linger on his nipple. It was a light, barely-there touch that made Naruto arch forward. He moaned against Kisami’s lips.

“…You know, you kind of taste like orange juice,” he brushed his plait aside. “Huh, don’t tell me you fell off your stool out of pure clumsiness?”

Naruto made a sound of annoyance. “Look just –” He wasn’t interested in a conversation thirty minutes ago, and he definitely wasn’t interested in one now. He held Kisami’s hand and placed it on his crotch. Even that barest touch, through two layers of fabric, made him twitch so hard that he had to shut his eyes.

His breath hitched. 

Kisami stroked over the bulge. “I can feel… I mean you’re soaking through.” 

Naruto grinded against his palm, searching for more friction. He bucked hard and they stumbled into the stall door. Blindly grabbing the handle, Naruto pressed his forehead against Kisami’s shoulder. His breaths were fast and harsh and he struggled to form a sentence. “Can…can you reach inside?”

“Aw come on, no full view? I didn’t take you for the shy type. Not with that bright orange outfit.” But he reached into Naruto’s waist band, fumbling through fabric until he gripped his length.

Naruto breathed through his nose. 

He tried to silence himself, but with Kisami’s first stroke a strangled groan burst from his chest. He thrust into Kisami’s grip until all he could hear was the rhythmic squelch of flesh on flesh. 

“ _Kisami_.” Naruto was losing sense of his surroundings. His eyes were clenched shut. He grunted as his hips snapped forward to meet the slick warmth of Kisami’s fist.

“You’re really into this,” he murmured. “God it’s so sexy. You like that don’t you?”

Naruto was trembling. He was so close; he felt his body tense and clutched onto Kisami for dear life.

“That’s it, just let go. God you’re so horny… you’re going to cum so hard. I bet you’ve never been this desperate… I bet that red-head of yours has never done it like this…what do you think he’s doing right now? As you’re here, fucking my fist?”

“ _Shit_ ,” Naruto pulled away, but Kisami’s fingers grazed his slit. That last touch tipped him over the edge. He let out a long, deep, splintered moan, and hunched forward as he finally found release. “What…” he was rasping, trying to catch his breath, but even the aftershocks were intense. He could feel _everything_ clench in time with his balls. Naruto shuddered.

Kisami grinned and wiped his hand clean on his pants. “That could not have been part of your plan,” he gestured to the growing wet patch on Naruto’s crotch. “You should have given me the full view I was so eager to see… we could have found ways to make all that disappear.”

Naruto ignored him and buttoned up. “What the hell is wrong with you? I mean what the hell _was_ that?”

“Huh?”

“It’s so screwed up. Why would you say that? And right when I was…” He took a deep shuddering breath. “ _Shit_!”

Kisami’s smile wilted away. “What? You mean the stuff about the red-head? It was just, you know, dirty talk… I’ve seen you guys around.” He hooked Naruto’s waist band and pulled him close. “It was nothing. Let’s just get back to things.”

Naruto shoved him off.

“Jesus. Like I said, it was dirty talk. Just something to say.”

Naruto pushed his way out of the stall.

“Look, I’ve seen you guys around the village and it’s obvious that you’re a thing. Then I saw you here alone, and you were being so damn eager. I’d have to be blind and deaf to ignore all the… ” He gripped Naruto’s shoulder. “For fucks sake, can you wait? I got carried away! It just really seemed like you were into that sort of play.”

Naruto was ready to leave, but his wet patch had now spread into a full-crotch smear. 

“Right, okay, so… what? Now you’re not even willing to hear me out? If I hit a nerve that’s not my fucking fault— I’ve known you all of five minutes.” 

“Leave me alone.” 

“You know what? Fine. I don’t even give a fuck. I don’t. First return the goddamn favour.”

“I said back _off_.” Naruto pulled his shoulder free and snatched some napkins from the dispenser. He was wiping with such force that the tissue began to tear into tiny clingy pieces. “If you grab me again, I’ll knock those words right back into your mouth. I’m done.”

Despite the sexual nature of Gaara and Naruto’s relationship, they’d never had penetrative sex. Naruto hadn’t pushed, and Gaara hadn’t asked, and so things just hadn’t developed up to that point. They’d done just about everything else though, so Kisami’s statement didn’t hurt because it was true. 

Chances were that Gaara was experienced. He’d let Naruto steer things – as far as he wanted to go, as much as he wanted to do – Gaara had always been considerate. Naruto wanted to believe that a part of him had acknowledged that kindness from the start, and maybe that was why he hadn’t been able to take advantage by asking for anything more. 

“Oh is that right? That’s how it’s going to be then?” Kisami was shaking his head and pacing around the bathroom. He was getting louder with each lap. “You can’t return the favour? You blow your load into my fucking _fist_ and you’re about to just walk away? You know what? Fuck you! I know people, and you can bet that I’m going to tell everyone about this. The whole freaking village will hear all about how you fuck guys in public toilets like a dirty little man whor –” 

Steel and plaster sprayed into the bathroom. 

Naruto dropped low as the clash of metal on marble caused a ringing in his ears. The swirl of dust and concrete clogged his throat and stung his eyes, he was only able to catch glimpses of his surroundings. A tentacle of sand. An ankle yanked from the floor. A flash of red. Somewhere among the mess Kisami yelled and cursed until a resounding crash soon cut off the noise. 

The dust began to settle and Naruto rose to his feet. He made sure he had his back to a wall. The splintered pieces of the bathroom door were scattered across the floor, and its metal frame had been ripped from the concrete. A spiral of sand spun around Naruto’s feet, and the familiar scent of coal made him pause. 

“What are you _doing_?”

Gaara lifted an unconscious Kisami off the shattered bar and onto a platform of sand. “I’m securing our lead.” He turned towards Naruto. “I see you came to the same conclusion.”

*** ***

The water was scalding. Naruto grit his teeth and breathed through his nose, making sure to silence even his exhales. He didn’t want to give Gaara an excuse to re-open their conversation.

When had they started doing things the Danzo-way? 

Based on the information Gaara had gathered, Kisami had quit his post on the outskirts of Byuki village one day before the first ninja had been abducted. He was currently one of five remaining sand ninja in the village, and the only one who had gone to the effort of hiding his role as a member of the storm squad before the kidnappings had even begun. 

Kisami was either the abductor’s partner, or a loose end, but there was no way for them to come to a conclusion. The guy was unconscious.

Eventually Naruto stepped out of the spray and turned off the shower. The sting on his skin was matched by an angry red blotch that covered every inch of his body. His clothes were in a heap on the bathroom floor, still damp and stained with plaster and the evidence of his Kisami-encounter. If he could singe that memory away too, he would. 

“Are you calm?” Gaara asked from the other side of the door. He must have heard the shower shut off. 

“Yeah,” Naruto grabbed his towel off the hook. “I mean why wouldn’t I be?” Gaara hadn’t directly asked about what had happened in the bar bathroom, so Naruto hadn’t given an answer of any kind.

There was a shuffle of feet and a soft thump against the wall. Gaara was sitting beside his only exit. “It is a good plan, Naruto.”

Right. The plan. “Not if you’re abandoning someone.” Every single person was important, even if that person was a Kisami. “If you had let the shinobi explain himself back there, we’d know whose side he was on and have a better plan in place. Offering him up to the abductor is like, I don’t know,” Naruto scanned his brain for one of Gaara’s idioms, “tossing a guy off a cliff and hoping he can fly or something.”

“Believe me, I am well aware of the moral grey area surrounding my decision. It is not my preferred strategy, but we are running out of time.”

Naruto rubbed his forehead. The window was busted, so the bathroom had trapped too much steam. He didn’t want to be stuck in here arguing. “Why the sudden urgency anyway?” Gaara had attacked without first confirming his information with the only person who _could_ confirm it – Kisami. 

Gaara always triple checked. 

“During my reconnaissance I heard rumours about the abilities the abductor possesses. It is highly possible that they are a powerful genjutsu user. If that is the case, then they could warp space and time within one’s mind, torturing their victims for weeks or months as mere days pass for us in the real world. I was previously unaware that the situation was so,” Gaara seemed to be searching for the word, “grave.”

“Gaara,” Naruto pressed his forehead against the door, both from concern and dizziness, “this isn’t like when Shukaku was extracted.” The Akutsuki had done it over the span of three days. Gaara had only spoken once about his state of semi-consciousness during the days leading up to his near death. He revealed that his sense of time and space were endless, and it had tugged at his sanity. The only things he’d felt was a gnawing emptiness and the crushing pain of isolation. 

Naruto rapped on the door when he didn’t hear an instant reply. “Are you listening Gaara? I’m sure it isn’t like that at all. We won’t let anyone go through that sort of thing, okay? I mean the sand ninja have you watching their backs, and you’ve got me. We’ll fix this no problem.”

Naruto reached for the door handle, ready to comfort Gaara in whatever way he would allow, but Kisami was still tied up in that room. If he gained consciousness and saw Naruto there was no way he’d keep his mouth shut. 

“As comforting as that is to hear, unfortunately it is not a plan. We must still locate the missing sand shinobi.” He paused, and Naruto saw a shadow pass under the door. Was that Gaara’s hand? “Do you have an ideas to challenge my own?” 

“Uh, well no, but … are you waving at me?”

“Then we will follow my plan,” he concluded. “I do not want to prolong this argument. I understand that we won’t see eye to eye on this matter, so I’ll propose an escape clause of sorts: act as a guard. The abductor will track us down to collect our guest, and if his life proves to be in immediate danger, we will abandon my plan and attack in that moment.” Gaara stood up. “Is that an ideal compromise?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“So the matter is settled.” Gaara’s voice drifted further away. “We’ve had disagreements in the past; ones with more discomfort or anger, so I cannot help but wonder why you are unable to face me after an argument that is near-insignificant.”

That wasn’t a question, which meant he was either close to finding an answer, or he had already found one.

“I’m just enjoying the steam.” Naruto blurted. “You’re really missing out. This place is like a mini-sweat lodge.”

Had Gaara assumed that Naruto’s flush was from a fight with Kisami? Did he believe that Naruto’s heavy breathing was from an argument? In the cloud of debris and plaster that had sprayed the entire bar, had Gaara even seen Naruto clearly? 

He hadn’t connected the dots yet, so maybe that was the answer.

Naruto pressed his ear against the door, but the room was silent.

It was also possible that Gaara hadn’t seen anything, simply because it wasn’t something he’d wanted to see; Naruto was all too familiar with denial and excuses.

“You must be feeling light headed by now.”

Gaara’s tone was the same as any other day, controlled and subdued, but also…sad. Naruto heard the door click open; Kisami was restrained beside that door. 

“I believe we have tied for ‘Most Confusing’.”

*** ***

Naruto exited the bathroom.

Gaara was crouched in front of Kisami, fiddling with the rope that bound the shinobi’s hands and feet. In the dim lighting his hair seemed almost brown, instead of the dark red Naruto had grown to appreciate. 

Kisami stirred in his restraints.

“Oh, hey, I thought you’d left?” Naruto asked. He couldn’t retreat now. “It really was just a steam thing. It was pretty cool, I think you should probably try it sometime maybe.” 

Gaara lowered his head and continued to fuss with the rope.

“Okay then.” Naruto ran a hand over his neck and instead drifted towards the bedside table. There was a note. He angled it towards the slither of light from the bathroom door he’d left ajar. It was Gaara’s handwriting; apparently he’d gone to send a mission report to the Hidden Leaf.

But that didn’t make sense. 

How long had it been? About nine or ten minutes. That was the last time Naruto had actually heard Gaara speak. They’d argued, he’d left the room, and then… silence. The only point of communication with anyone outside was at the very edge of the village, beyond the sand storm, where birds could still fly. There was no way Gaara had travelled there and back in a ten minute time frame. 

Naruto reached for the lamp and flipped the switch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Your comments and kudos have been seen and are deeply appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

*** ***

“Come on Ino, you don’t need to be _that_ true to your nickname. If you hog all the rice there won’t be any left for me and Shikamaru.”

Naruto could hear Sakura before he saw her. The clink of cutlery and the scraping of ceramic dishware was almost as loud as the argument around him.

“You seriously don’t know anything, do you? It’s called a high carb diet.” Ino paused. “Shouldn’t you be begging me for details right now? If you’re lucky, you might be able to spot-reduce from your massive forehead.”

The darkness vanished, and with the light came a view of formal wear, meal spreads, adorned dishware, and fancy light fixtures — the Hokage’s office looked more like a banquet hall. The table was decorated in a white frill cloth and accessorised with a gold centrepiece.

Sakura pushed the bowl of rice towards Naruto. “Here. You better take some too before…hey, are you okay?”

Across the table, Ino and Shikamaru looked up. “It seems like Naruto is in a world of his own,” Shikamaru remarked.

“Yeah,” Sakura swapped the bowl of rice for leafy greens. “If you’re feeling unwell you should eat some of this instead.”

Ino rested her chin in the palm of her hand and rolled her eyes. “Oh give it a rest, you’re not his mother. If anyone here is supposed to care for his _needs_ , it would be Gaara, right?” Her grin was huge. 

Naruto’s ears warmed and beside him someone squeezed his hand. When he looked, Sakura had moved one seat down and Gaara was now in her place. A moment ago he hadn’t existed; their table had only been large enough to seat four.

Shikamaru picked at his salad with unconcealed disinterest. “Enough Ino. Let them be. If you keep teasing, they won’t come back for dinner.”

“You know you want to do it too…”

Their conversation faded into a gentle buzz. Was this what acceptance felt like? To be one of the crowd; loved, appreciated, and wanted. Treated the same way as always, despite personal revelations. If this was acceptance, it felt so incredibly warm.

Naruto looked towards a smiling Gaara. Beyond him the table stretched out further than the office could physically hold, almost as if it was a trick of the light. Every seat was now filled with a member of the Hidden Leaf Village.

Naruto smiled.

*** ***

“Release!” 

There was a hand on Naruto’s shoulder.

“Focus on my voice. Are you harmed? You were under a genjutsu.”

Naruto inhaled sharply. “What?” He was so thirsty. He squinted against the sun light streaming in through the windows. Was it morning already? “Need water,” he croaked. 

Gaara looked around, plucked a cup from the bedside table, and headed into the bathroom. “One moment.”

Last night Naruto had been…back home in the Leaf village? No. No, that was the genjutsu. Last night he’d run into the abductor way sooner than anyone had expected. He could have sworn the guy’s hair was red, or maybe brown… black?

Naruto massaged his temple and used the wall to lift himself up. His legs were stiff and his lower half felt particularly breezy; when he looked down, both his towel and Gaara’s coat were crumpled on the floor at his feet.

Naruto’s ears warmed. He must have been revealing a little extra if Gaara had donated his coat. Naruto picked it up, folded it, and placed it on the bed. He put on some clean clothes and glanced at the empty spot where Kisami had been tied up.

There were no signs of a fight so Kisami had survived. Right now he’d probably be heading towards the abductor’s hideout where the other sand shinobi were hidden. 

“Are you dressed?” Gaara asked, entering the room with a full glass.

“Yeah, thanks.” Naruto took the glass and drank the water. “So you were right. The abductor’s definitely a genjutsu user, but…” He hadn’t thought to use a transformation jutsu, his fingers had fumbled with the ropes, and the whole process was clumsy and slow. If there’d been more light and Gaara had planned to actually stop the ‘rescue’, then that attempt would have ended in seconds. “I don’t know, maybe we can relax.”

Gaara crouched low and brushed his fingers over the carpet. “His genjutsu was formidable.” He raised his hand, and with it, grains of sand lifted from the carpet. “It’s my experience that those with a specialty rely heavily on that one skill, usually lacking in situational awareness and observation. Thankfully, I have yet to be wrong.” He swirled the grains into a ball. “I’m able to track the chakra in my own sand, so we can leave in an hour once we’ve gathered our belongings.”

“We don’t need to rush. I’m actually pretty skilled at tracking your chakra too. Shadow clone jutsu!” In a puff of smoke a clone of Naruto appeared. “Grab that ball from Gaara, and follow the chakra as far as you can. Just scout out the journey ahead and we’ll take over when you lose the trail.”

Clone-Naruto did as he was ordered. 

“There. Now we have a few extra hours on our hands.”

Gaara nodded but wasted no time as he headed towards the wardrobe and collected his bag. Naruto did the same, placing his own on the bed beside the sand shinobi.

Naruto hadn’t slept on the mattress since they arrived in Byuki village. He’d stayed up most nights or slept on the floor, claiming he was homesick and it reminded him of the nights when he’d first moved apartments. Gaara played along, but he must have suspected that the jinchuriki connection was taking its toll.

“You didn’t get any sleep last night. Will you be okay?” Naruto asked.

Gaara’s hand was hovering over the zip on his bag. “The time span is disturbing.”

“Huh?”

“The abductor left you in a genjutsu, effectively trapping you with no access to food, water, or medical attention for eight hours.”

Naruto nodded. “Uh, I guess, yeah. But I mean, I’m fine. I can handle more than that.” It sucked, but it could have been worse. He’d experienced worse. “This was pretty much your plan right? I was in that room because I wanted to be there, but now you have a way to find all the missing sand shinobi.”

“I am afraid you are missing the point.” Gaara lowered his gaze in thought. “We have been investigating the Byuki village for seven days. It took us three days to travel here from the land of Fire. Upon receiving my mission request, Lady Tsunade deliberated for a total of five days. That is 15 days, Naruto. If my sand shinobi have been trapped in an endless genjutsu, with no access to food or water, then they are dead.”

Gaara picked an item, placed it in his bag, positioned it perfectly, and continued the cycle: a note pad, a pen, bandages, an orange jacket. 

Naruto’s throat dried. He’d faced situations like this before, it was the reality of most missions, but the pain was always the same. If Gaara was able numb himself, why couldn’t Naruto manage the same level of distance and maturity? He was embarrassed by his own discomfort. 

He snuck a peek at Gaara. 

The ninja’s head hung low. He kneaded his forehead with the palm of his hand like a headache was beginning to form. His eyeliner was smudged; it flared outwards like a misshapen wing. That wasn’t a mistake Gaara would normally allow, he wore his kohl like a third armour. 

“Uh, hey…” Naruto cleared his throat and manoeuvred around Gaara’s arms to pluck his coat out of the bag. He didn’t comment on Gaara’s mistake. 

Naruto began to wonder… if a time did come when they were completely indifferent, would it mean that something had broken inside?

The silence stretched on. It wasn’t comfortable, it never really was for Naruto, but he felt like Gaara needed the time to compartmentalise.

“What did he show you?” Gaara asked after a few minutes. He took his time packing and unpacking, turning each item a full 360 before he settled on a ‘perfect’ position. He clearly planned to make use of those few extra hours Naruto had gained. 

“Well,” Naruto sat on the edge of the bed, wringing his fingers together. “I was back home. It was like my own personal version of perfection. Everyone was just happy and accepting.” He ran a hand over his neck. Gaara had been there too; the genjutsu had been so true to the sand shinobi that Naruto hadn’t even thought of escape. It was like his memories and emotions had been raided to create the perfect representation of his friends. “In comparison, my village is pretty lacking…”

The Leaf was only half of the equation. Naruto hadn’t registered the distance between reality and his dreams until he’d seen exactly what he was aiming towards. Now the gap was crystal clear.

Gaara’s expression shifted into something lighter and softer. “There is no doubt in my mind that you will fix what needs to be fixed when you become Hokage.” 

Conviction, compassion, support. Even after everything Naruto had done, Gaara still had a hand on his shoulder. It made Naruto’s chest swell. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

Gaara nodded and reached for his coat that was folded at the end of the bed. He grazed Naruto’s hand, grabbed his coat, and pulled away. 

Where was the lingering touch? Where was the small smile that used to come so easily? In the world Naruto had seen, he’d been accepted by everyone. His family, his friends, and Gaara.

Naruto panicked and gripped Gaara’s sleeve.

He glimpsed a tattoo, green eyes, a furrowed brow, and then it all blurred together as he met Gaara’s lips. The scent of sand was overwhelming. It filled Naruto’s senses and pulled him back to calmer times- playing shoji, visiting Gaara’s home, reading their letters – his mind calmed to a gentle lull for the first time in days. Warm breath tickled Naruto’s cheeks. He loosened his grip at the nape of Gaara’s neck, and moved through the ruffle of red hair that parted for his fingers like blades of grass. Gaara made a soft sound at the back of his throat and pressed firmly against Naruto. He matched the tilt of Naruto’s head and outclassed the motion and pressure of Naruto’s lips. 

Slowly, Gaara’s hand lifted off the mattress and cupped his cheek. It was gentle and warm and welcome. He brushed his thumb along Naruto’s jaw, once, before slowing to a complete stop.

Naruto unfurled his grip on the sand ninja’s netted sleeve.

Gaara now stood at his full height with smudged eyeliner, ruffled hair, and a rip in his sleeve. He didn’t look like himself, but it was more than just his physical appearance – Gaara was looking straight ahead at an empty spot on the wall. 

Naruto squashed the sensation of déjà vu. 

Gaara was tense and quiet as he stared at nothingness. “Did I not tell you how much this hurts? Was I not open and honest?” His speech was even and slow, as if he was screening each word before allowing it to pass. His jaw trembled. “Naruto, you are dismissed from this mission.”


	8. Chapter 8

A few months back, Sakura had stood at the threshold of Naruto’s apartment with her hands clasped together and her head down. She’d admitted out loud for the first time, that she wished she were capable of giving up on Sasuke Uchiha.

There hadn’t been much Naruto could think to say as her friend. Sakura had never shown interest in any advice Naruto had to offer, so the whole situation had felt like an elaborate prank. She’d explained that Sasuke didn’t take her confessions seriously, and that her latest attempt had been met with an off-hand remark that derailed their conversation. After so many rejections, Sakura felt like Sasuke didn’t respect her enough to value her emotions. 

She’d been crying so quietly that Naruto hadn’t noticed for the longest while. Her expression was solemn as she told Naruto that she wasn’t even disappointed anymore- and that she missed being disappointed- because now that familiar pain was taken over by foreign heartache, and she felt like there was nothing she could do about it.

At the time, Naruto hadn’t really understood the base emotion behind Sakura’s admission. It had come out of nowhere, and it was too intense and complicated. Naruto thought that if she wanted to give up on Sasuke, she should just do it. He’d replied with a simple ‘you don’t need that jerk’ and then offered to take her out for cup ramen.

But as Naruto looked at Gaara, he felt like he was able to put a name to what he and Sakura felt. If disappointment, confusion, fear, and even rejection hadn’t been enough for Naruto to give up on Gaara, then he had to let him know.

Naruto sat on the edge of the bed with his shoulders hunched and his hands deep in his pockets. In this position, maybe he’d think twice before making any more sudden movements.

Gaara’s coat was crumpled in his fist, gathering creases like a target gathers kunai. On a normal basis he liked to look presentable, but it probably didn’t matter right now. A neat coat wouldn’t hide his smudged eyeliner, ruffled hair, or the tremble of his jaw; Gaara’s composure was threatening to completely collapse.

Naruto had no idea what that would look like because the sand ninja had always kept a level head. Short of childhood issues and jinchuriki influence, Gaara held himself in control. He was calm and collected, and Naruto never wanted to become one of the disasters that caused him to crumble.

“I didn’t _just_ kiss you. I…I finally figured things out.” He shrugged and lowered his head. “It was basically a confession.” He kept things short, trying to outrun the inevitable break in his voice. He didn’t want to give Gaara any reason to doubt him.

Slowly, Gaara released his coat in stilted, stalling motions. He made a few half-hearted attempts to straighten out the creases before pulling it over his ripped shirt. 

When he raised his head there was no joy in his expression, just a cautious curiosity that was quickly chased away by pure exhaustion. “…What does that mean to you?” He half-sat and half-leant on the bedside table.

“What?”

“I am glad that you have come to terms with your emotions Naruto. Truly, I am. But you are known for your impulsiveness. It’s the reason you accompanied me on this mission, and the reason you kissed me. I believe it is also part of the reason you had certain ‘relations’ with Kisami Abumi. Knowing all that, it’s difficult to believe that you first considered –”

“You can’t be serious.” Gaara had also dealt with the jinchuriki connection, but he’d handled the urges alone. He probably couldn’t understand why Naruto had turned to a stranger. Or maybe he did understand, and it just didn’t matter. Either way, Naruto had gathered his courage and admitted his feelings, but Gaara was using Kisami as a reason to dismiss them. “When I say something I mean it. But if you’re going to doubt me because of a moment I had while we were apart, then maybe you’re not as secure as you like to think.” 

“Believe me when I say I have no opinions in regard to that matter. I am aware that it is not my place. I was merely pointing out a pattern of behaviour.” 

Naruto shrugged. 

Gaara had kept his Kisami-discovery quiet since last night, and the only reason for mentioning it at all would be if he was hurt by what he’d learnt.

“Naruto,” he began, overlooking the jab, “the time we have spent in this village has not changed anything of the outside world. When you kissed me, did you first consider what would happen if we were to return home as a couple? My sexuality is public knowledge. People will begin to notice when I visit the village to see you. They will comment when I enter your home at night. Rumours will spread if I look at you the way,” Gaara’s words trailed off, but when he spoke again he had a firm grip on the coarse edge of the bedside table, “…the way I have always looked at you.”

Naruto put a hand on his neck; there was no way Gaara wanted him to reply to that slip up. “Do you really think I’ll be forced to come out?” 

“Possibly. Could you handle that outcome?” 

Gaara had mentioned this issue back at the Hokage’s office, but Naruto had just felt relieved that his secret was safe. In that moment, he hadn’t cared that it was a potential problem. 

The Leaf village he knew was so different from the one he’d seen in the genjutsu. He felt like there was years of work to be done before it could resemble that place of acceptance and compassion, and as far as he knew, nothing would ever happen if he blew his chance for the village to acknowledge him.

Naruto inhaled, and his next words came out louder than intended, carrying a degree of confidence that he didn’t possess. “We’ll just be extra careful this time. I can change everything when I become Hokage anyway, and then it won’t matter if I’m exposed. I mean you said it yourself, right? I can make things better.” 

“I see.” Gaara nodded. “What do you mean by ‘extra careful’?”

“We can, you know, we can hide things. Better than we did before.” But the strength had drained from his words as fast as it had appeared. Naruto lacked the strength to even lift his head; If Gaara’s next words weren’t an agreement, then it seemed like every route in front of them was blocked. 

“…Did you know that the villagers spend their mornings sweeping off inches of sand from the wells? And their nights are spent covering their farm land in tarps? It is an honest place of dedication and work ethic. Though many of them are not where they wish to be, all of them have made the best of a difficult situation. I feel both proud and apologetic to every single shinobi who lives within this storm.” His voice was soft and heavy with the weight of exhaustion. “I want to give my sand shinobi the confidence and peace of mind to be themselves without the fear of losing their home. There are those in the Sand who will never even experience the small freedom that these villagers have stumbled across. I am not yet Kazekage, but I know that I can provide exposure and courage for those who are like me, and in time, perhaps I could gather something as minute as tolerance.” He folded his arms loosely in front of himself. “I have begun something that I cannot stop, in a position that I will not avoid. Naruto, I would feel like the largest hypocrite in all the four great nations to try and return to our life of hiding.”

Naruto felt like his mind was stalling, as if he couldn’t quite process all that Gaara was saying. He rested his head on his clasped hands. 

He’d come such a long way. But it wasn’t enough for him to take one step forward while Gaara was running ahead. The obvious solution neither wanted to raise, was that Naruto could run forward too. But he had his reasons for staying in the closet, and maybe he would have shared them with Gaara if the shinobi’s speech hadn’t just made all of his points feel as flimsy as a piece of soaked paper. 

“But I said exactly what you needed me to say,” Naruto murmured, “we weren’t supposed to…” 

“...”

After they broke up, Gaara had offered Naruto the chance for both physical and emotional distance. After the kiss, Gaara had begun to build a wall. He’d been careful with his expressions and cautious with his words. Now it was clear that he hadn’t wanted to revive their relationship without all the necessary information.

Naruto wished he’d had the presence of mind to guard his heart too. 

Functioning on autopilot, he stood up, grabbed his bag, and hitched it over his shoulder. “We need to go after my clones.” As he made his way towards the door, he noticed that Gaara’s eyes were shut. He didn’t know what was going on in the sand ninja’s head, but whatever thoughts he’d found seemed as unwelcome as Naruto’s kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/3 chapters remaining. Thank you all for the kudos, views, and reviews. You brighten my day like crazy!


	9. Chapter 9

The sand mist began to fade away. Naruto picked up his pace. Sticking to the edge of the cavern he vaulted over damp pillars and ducked under the looming shards of rock. Now he was a few feet away from Kisami and the kidnapped ninja. They were packed together and marked with scrapes and bruises and grime. Some were as frail as the icicle shaped stalactite hanging over their heads, but he sensed that all of them had chakra flow that was only possible in living shinobi.

Naruto sunk into a crouch and exhaled; it was the first piece of good news he’d received since the mission began.

Kisami stayed close to the hostages, but his patrol of the ‘sleeping’ ninja was a slow process. When he stepped forward, he limped. And when he limped, he clutched his side. Whatever injury Gaara had caused, would have been nothing compared to what would’ve happened if the sand ninja were found dead. Gaara cared for them like they were his own people, and if he, like Naruto, was still reeling from the finality of their morning conversation, then he wasn’t in the best state of mind to deal with disappointment. 

Eventually the sand mist completely dissipated as the last specs returned to Gaara’s gourd. The abductor was wrapped in a blanket of sand that bound him to the floor and now Naruto could see that his hair was a dark shade of brown. He was older than all of them and quieter too.

Naruto inched forward to get a clearer view. 

Gaara must have already sensed the chakra of the abducted ninja; he knew they were alive. Had he still attacked with the same amount of force he’d used at the bar? 

The plan was to surround Kisami, and Gaara himself had suggested a slow and subtle approach since they weren’t sure what skills Kisami possessed. But his stillness unsettled Naruto. These people weren’t fighters; they had _one_ useful jutsu that had been cancelled out by the sand mist, so there was no chance that their fight would become the kind of battle Gaara was all too eager to start.

Naruto rose from his crouch. “Step away from the shinobi.”

Kisami spun around, and the scent of damp wafted forwards. Naruto got a similar nose-full when he’d first stepped into the cavern, and again when he’d moved in range of the abducted ninja. Kisami must have been on guard duty within these walls from the moment he was ‘rescued’. About 24 hours now. What was the point of it all?

“And then what will happen? How can you be sure that I won’t be slammed through solid rock this time?” He tipped his head towards Gaara and lowered his voice. “Mr. Misukai is down for the count.”

Gaara had faced hatred, and loneliness, and the kind of heartache that would drive others mad, and he’d learnt to coexist with it all. If Kisami was going to be smacked through layers of rock, it wouldn’t be in a fit of jealous rage.

“So who are you people, anyway?” His head swivelled back and forth between Gaara, Naruto, and the darkened corners of the cavern. He must have assumed that more ninja were hidden in the shadows. “Still haven’t heard any introductions. You probably knew who I was from the start, right? It’d explain why you were so damn needy… I can’t even imagine how thrilling it must have been –”

“I’m trying to give you a way out here and you’re just wasting my time.” Kisami had asked the question Naruto should have asked: Was it all part of a plan? But Naruto was actually comforted that it had never crossed his mind, since the last thing he needed was any lingering feelings for Kisami Abumi. “I’m getting the hostages out,” he flanked the closest shinobi, “If there are any traps it’d be better for you to tell me now.” 

“Just like old times then…shutting things down before I get to finish.”

Naruto’s ears warmed. “ _Why_ are you so-” 

“I can hardly sense your chakra flow,” Gaara said, “are you not a ninja of the hidden Sand?”

Naruto flinched and he felt the warmth climb up his neck. He hadn’t noticed that Gaara had moved within earshot, but it definitely seemed like he wanted both of them to be aware of that fact.

“You cannot perform ninjutsu.” He continued as though Kisami had replied with equal interest. “I met someone similar to you in my journeys as a child, and he was one of the most diligent genin I ever fought. If all this trouble is because of that suffering, then you are beyond the realm of excuses. I am honestly tired of excuses.”

Naruto raised his head.

If Gaara had something to say, he would direct it at Naruto; it had always been his way of doing things. But thanks to Ino and Sakura, he knew how to identify a back-handed compliment, a fake smile, and an indirect insult, and Gaara’s words had been weighted with a similar emotion, one that Kisami hadn’t quite earned. 

“And who said I was upset about not being able to do your little party tricks? I’m fine with it. It’s just one more thing that makes me different.” He shrugged. “I had my own thing anyway. I was a freaking master at ninja tools.”

Tenten was a skilled ninja tools user too, and she definitely had her moments of deadly accuracy with her scroll in tow. Gaara turned to Naruto as if they were going down the same train of thought; it would definitely be better to stick to their original plan and take things slow with Kisami.

“Okay. I’ll take the lead….” A small ball rolled into Naruto’s foot. It was wrapped in strips of flimsy discoloured paper and a word was scrawled across its circumference in black ink. It almost looked like a…

“Get back Nar –” 

A white light blinded Naruto’s vision. It seemed to burrow beneath his eyelids and spark into a thousand colours. When his vision returned, it came in layers like the levels of an S-rank jutsu. Outlines, colours, and then details. 

Kisami was being dragged across uneven rock by a rope of sand. He clawed at the bindings on his feet, but his fingers slipped through like he was touching water. “Get off. Get the hell _off_. For fucks sake, Mr. Misukai’s a farmer and I’ve been stuck in this shit hole for an entire year- how the hell would I get my hands on any decent equipment to even trap you idiots?” 

Gaara raised his hand and lifted Kisami until he dangled upside down. “It seems like a simple conversation will not convince him to cooperate like you had hoped.”

Naruto glanced at Mr.Misukai who was still crumpled on the ground as if he too was under a genjutsu. They needed to know the reason behind the abductions to prevent it from happening again, and Kisami was their only source of information. “I guess.” Naruto stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Alright then.”

“ _We were trying to get the Sand’s attention_.” Kisami spoke as if he knew what would happen next, and considering his past experience with Gaara, he had a decent and reliable clue. “I met Mr. Misukai when I was dumped here. We just wanted to go back home.” Kisami was an animated talker, and each word caused him to swing a little further. “For a whole year I’ve been wasting away in this place, and then out of nowhere I hear that the Sand is celebrating some big shot ninja like he’s the first gay person to ever live. They left the rest of us to rot you know. No one came back for us… what makes that ‘Gaara’ guy so fucking special anyway?”

Kisami fell to the floor. 

It had almost felt like the sand had dispersed along with Gaara’s chakra, but that was a genin level mistake that would only happen with a lapse in control and concentration. If that was the case, then Gaara wouldn’t really want any attention drawn to it, so Naruto could only offer basic words. “Hey, are you okay?” 

He tried to approach Gaara, but Kisami dry heaved in his path.

“It was a good plan.” Kisami sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth clean. His plait had completely loosened, and stray hairs clung to his neck like a second skin. “You… you’re a full on sand ninja, aren’t you? With those skills you’re definitely high rank… trained well. You’re someone important. Are you really going to tell me that the village Elders didn’t send you? Or maybe… maybe the Kazekage…”

“ _Shut up_ already,” Naruto barked. 

It was too much. Gaara didn’t deserve to be burdened with the blame and guilt for this situation too, especially when that so-called celebration only existed in the gossip of bored villagers.

When Gaara had announced his sexuality, the leaders of the Sand had decided to look the other way out of respect for the former Kazekage. It was the same as them covering their ears and closing their eyes and Gaara deserved much better.

Yet Kisami had started this out of jealousy. And Mr. Misukai had felt just as wronged. How many people were out there wishing and praying, so insanely jealous of the crumbs that Gaara had received? 

“We are here with only one objective in mind.” Gaara stepped towards the closest ninja, crouched down, and released the genjutsu. When she began to stir, his palm slipped away from her forehead. “But I am someone who looks out for the best interests of _all_ the Sand ninja. The change will not come quickly, or without effort, or risk, but some day you will be able to return home to the Sand Village. I give you my word.”

** **

“I felt the least I could do was make freedom an option.”

Naruto nodded. 

Kisami was an asshole, but it was the abducted shinobi who would vote on what happened next to him and Mr. Misukai. 

Organising a vote was fair and kind; it was a basic demonstration of the type of leader Gaara would become. Naruto also knew that no one had been critically injured, and after a few days of rest and some good meals everyone would make a full recovery and be left with only the lingering pieces of a pleasant dream. 

Naruto tucked his legs into himself and scooted forward on the rock face. The top of the cavern overlooked a portion of their route back to Byuki village. 

Gaara watched the terrain too with his hands loosely clasped together in his lap. His fingers were marked with cuts and his nails were caked in sand, but his palms were nothing like that of an experienced shinobi. Naruto knew that Gaara preferred ninjutsu over taijutsu, but he’d never wondered ‘why’. 

Maybe Gaara just didn’t want to get any closer to the violence than was absolutely necessary.

“I mean it’s your mission, so your rules right?” 

Below, the shuffle of feet and the hum of voices grew louder. Gaara had trusted them to arrive at their own decision, but a part of him must have considered that things could turn violent. He examined the cavern’s entrance with such focus that Naruto thought he would climb down and act as a mediator again. 

“Hey so…I’ve got a question.” In the cavern Gaara had used the words ‘effort’ and ‘risk’, and Naruto was reminded that he once embodied those ideals, but his recent decision went against all that and Gaara hadn’t seemed even a little bit curious. “Why didn’t you ask me to give you a reason?”

Gaara’s posture straightened, and they sat in complete silence. His brow furrowed under the weight of whatever new burden he’d been compelled to carry. “I assume you are referring to our earlier conversation,” he began, “there is only one reason for why a person would choose to hide their sexuality. To ask the question when I already knew the answer would be, I felt, the same as demanding justification.” 

Gaara’s tone had always been warm when addressing Naruto. Apart from a few difficult moments, and the emotional mess of their younger years, Gaara had shown nothing but genuine affection and honesty even in the midst of his own emotional issues. Naruto realised, way too late, that Gaara had a bigger heart than anyone he knew.

“I don’t even really know why I asked,” Naruto murmured, “that’s just like you.” He felt like the realisation was a knife on his vocal cords. Gaara must have been so hurt for so long.

After some time, Gaara peered down at the cavern’s entrance. “I know for certain, now more than ever, that I am moving in the right direction.” He paused, as if waiting – hoping – for something in return. 

Naruto released a shuddering exhale.

“…” Gaara lowered his head, but smiled; it was a tiny, genuine smile. “Thank you, Naruto.” His hands were clasped together in his lap so tightly that each knuckle bloomed red. “It means a lot to feel that I have been loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, reviewing, or loving 'Accept Me'. I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I enjoyed writing it. I played around with a lot of endings, arguments, and steamy scenes between Gaara and Naruto, but in the end, this just felt right.


End file.
